Thankful For The Crashing Wave of Seminary

  For a Personal Skills Assessment class I had to take a lot of different personality tests, as well as skills assessments.  It is a class designed to help us better focus on what our gifts and talents and strengths and weaknesses are.  My results were must like I expected, I'm outgoing, I like to study, I like to teach.  When I put together my final packet for my professor, his comments were something to the extent of "You will be tempted to get by on your charm and charisma in ministry...the MDIV should kill that."  He spoke some serious truth in that statement. 
  Most of my ministry has been in front of people, I don't really have the kind of personality that sits by on the sideline.  I like to be up front I like to motivate and challenge people I like relationships and interacting with people.  As I have pursued ministry and teaching I have found myself not always putting the kind of time and energy into prepping every week like I should.  Many times, on the train into the city I was finishing Bible study prep as well as trying to prep for teaching for the night.  I would often just pray and "wing it" hoping God would move and relying much more on me than on Him.  I have since realized in taking time away from ministry that even though I am not worthy of being called into his ministry, God for some reason has chosen to use me.  I saw so many times the few nuggets that I could put together for teaching God used to challenge and encourage and rebuke the guys I was teaching.  It had nothing to do with me, because I was clearly not faithful with the task I had been given.  Reflecting on that time has challenged me in the way I do ministry, to do it to the best of the time talent and ability that God has given me.  What does all of this have to do with seminary?....
  I'm getting my butt kicked by my workload this semester.  Learning Hebrew is tough, Greek Exegesis is tough, the amount of reading I have due is tough.  I realize this sounds like a rant and I am not the only one with a heavy work load so I should suck it up and deal.  But the great thing about this feeling of overwhelming work, the feeling that a giant wave is crashing over me and drowning me is this... I hit the pillow last night and just prayed.  It had been so long since I really called out to God and talked to him about what was going on with me.  It had been too long since I laid my thoughts, my fears, my hopes on Him.  My natural tendency when overwhelmed and confused is to shut down and give up and just try to sleep past it all.  This seems to be different, I have been infused with a renewed sense of "gettin at it" when it comes to my studies.  I have begun to remember that this is about God and not me, I am starting to get out of "grind it out" mode and back into really enjoying the work set before me.  I still feel really overwhelmed and a bit beat up but I have been renewed and gotten a second wind.  I attribute that to my calling out to God, my asking for help.  This wouldn't have happened without the giant workload.  Thank you for kickin my butt seminary, I might be pressed but not crushed, tired but not sleeping, confused and turned around because I don't know how to pronounce most of the Hebrew words I am trying to memorize but....well I'll get there.